


The Aristocrats (Not Really)

by merryghoul



Category: Community
Genre: Crack, Multi, Orgy, Porn Battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-02
Updated: 2011-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-22 03:41:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The group concludes a disastrous school party with an orgy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Aristocrats (Not Really)

**Author's Note:**

> Porn Battle prompt: the orgy solution.  
> It was bound to happen someday.
> 
> This is crack, inspired by the Porn Battle. I AM SO SORRY DAN HARMON, COMMUNITY ACTORS AND THE FAMILY SYLVERS.

The CD player playing the Sylvers' "High School Dance" was skipping in the Greendale Community College cafeteria, making the song sound as if it was playing in double time.  The cafeteria was trashed--banners reading "GREENDALE'S FIRST ANNUAL SIMILAR TO, BUT NOT, A HIGH SCHOOL DANCE" were ripped apart and spread all over the cafeteria.  Food was on the walls, tables and floors.  A mirror ball was smashed in the middle of the floor.  Dean Pelton could be heard screaming down the hall beside the cafeteria. 

"Nice going, guys," Jeff said to the rest of the study group, the only people inside the cafeteria.  "You helped trash the cafeteria to the point the Dean had to run away from his not-really-a-high school dance.  Congratulations." 

"Hey,  I didn't know those tiny clear bottles in your pockets were vodka, Jeff.  I thought they were bottles of vanilla extract for the punch."

"There is a difference between vanilla extract and vodka, Troy.  Vodka comes in clear bottles.  Vanilla extract comes in brown bottles."

"I don't know, Jeff.  Those bottles didn't smell like vodka to me."

Jeff sighed.  "Does anyone have any idea what we should do now?  Other than to shut off that disco music which is only playing because the Dean has lousy tastes in music and it's the theme to what this party was earlier?" 

Britta turned off the CD player.  

"Well, we just had a wild party that culminated in a lot of drinking and Annie and Shirley getting wasted, party crashing from both Greendale transfer students and City College students, a fire, a fist fight between Pierce and Leonard and the police coming to shut it down."

"Yes, I know, Abed.  Get to the point."

"The next step would be for everyone to get into a sexual orgy, like the one implied in _The Stand._ "

"Oh, no, Abed."  Shirley walked up to Abed.  "I'm a good Christian woman who believes that a woman should be faithful to her man.  I don't go out at night and sit on people's laps for money like that stripper who tried to take Andre away from me." 

"You should have asked yourself that when you left your kids and Andre home alone instead of coming to this Not A High School Dance."

"Are you saying I'm too old to go to the occasional party, Abed?  Because I'm not too old--"

Britta walked through the two of them.  "Guys, maybe Abed is right.  Maybe this orgy is the solution to all our problems.  I'm game with whatever Abed tries to suggest for this orgy."

"Cool.  Pierce, I need you to sit down in a chair."

Pierce sat at once of the booths (the cleanest booth he could find).

"I need you to unzip your pants and let Annie give you a blowjob until you cum since you say she's your favorite." 

"Abed!"  Annie was still tipsy from the vanilla vodka-spiked punch. 

"This is the only action Pierce is going to get from this orgy."

Annie stomped her feet, pulled her hair back and squatted in front of Pierce's lap.

"How do I do this, Abed?"

Abed pulled out a box of condoms from his pocket and gave one to Annie. "You use your hand to give him an erection while sucking the head of his cock.  _With_ the condom on." 

"But what if I decide Annie's not my favorite after tonight, A-bed?"

"We'll worry about that tomorrow morning."

Annie unzipped Pierce's pants and started stroking his cock. 

Abed handed Jeff three condoms.  "While Annie's giving Pierce a blowjob, you eat out Annie while Britta gives you a blowjob, thus forming a daisy chain and technically making this party a sex orgy.  After Pierce cums you take turns fucking and eating out Annie and Britta in a threesome until you come and Annie and Britta don't want to fuck anymore because most people on this campus think Jeff either loves Annie or Britta and is in denial."

Jeff lie on his back and started eating Annie out.  Britta started stroking Jeff's cock.

Abed gave a condom to Troy. 

"Oh, no.  I'm not participating in this sinful sex dungeon."  Shirley headed for the cafeteria doors.

"You may as well, since I saw you take three glasses of the vodka-spiked punch and it's not safe for you to drive back to your home."

"I'll call a cab."

"If you don't pick up your car by 8 AM tomorrow they tow it since all parking is reserved for transfer students and the Parking Lot Runner's Club on weekends."

Shirley sighed.  "Fine.  What do I have to do, Abed?"

"You give Troy a blowjob."

Troy cheered.

"And what are _you_ doing, Abed?"

"I'll be watching everyone else have sex and getting off on it, which is another sexual orgy-based trope.  Then I'll finger you until you get wet and fuck you while you're still giving Troy a blowjob, the type of double penetration threesome that's found in several porn videos."

Shirley sighed again, opened Troy's fly, pulled out his cock and started stroking it.

***

Later that morning, when the sun was rising over the school, the study group woke up in the trashed cafeteria, naked in a dogpile.  They slowly woke up and noticed their nakedness.

"We can't tell the Dean if he finds us here that we were having sex on school property," Abed said to the group.  "And we can't claim that aliens made us do it because we don't live in a universe filled with sci-fi elements."

"Well, what can we call ourselves?" Jeff asked.

"A very tame version of the Aristocrats." 


End file.
